JANUARY 18th, 2013
As if getting paid OBSCENE amount of money wasn’t enough, now lawyers are charging clients for sex?!?! This lawyer is Minnesota did. Sure, he got busted and disbarred…but still…
A Florida teacher offered to give a cop a smoker or let him smack around her old boobies to let her out of a DUI. He wasn’t interested.
There are AT LEAST 3 of these tools every year that pay fines/bills/etc with a bunch of coins. SO original. And this d-bag took money from his grandkids’ piggy banks.
JANUARY 17th, 2013
The most incredible tale in the history of college football. Deadspin uncovers Notre Dame LB and Heisman trophy finalist Manti Te’o’s elaborate lies about his “girlfriend”. INCREDIBLE.
A software developer in the U.S. making $250,000-a-year realized he could outsource his job to China for about $50,000-a-year. So he DID IT. The Chinese firm did his job while he watched cat videos on YouTube. But he was eventually caught and fired.
UK burgers made with horse meat. For some reason, people don’t like that.
A tubby 51-year-old woman in Washington got into a fight with her 51-year-old boyfriend inside their mobile home. And she ended up pinning him down . . . and SUFFOCATING HIM with her MASSIVE BREASTS.
For $125 you can get some new Wrangler jeans that help slim down your fat thighs. Brett Farve likes this.
Dude in Oregon loses his job, borrows gas money, buys his kids corn dogs and picks up a lotto ticket. He wins $1 million. He’s happy.
There’s OUTRAGE online right now that Subway’s footlong really ISN’T a foot long. It’s only 11 inches. People have been posting photos to Subway’s page of their subs with measuring tape on top showing they’re clearly 11 inches.
JANUARY 16th, 2013
This chick in England showed her naughty parts “accidentally” to sell a dress on eBay. She shoulda got a camera with a better flash.
Are you a couple that sits on the same side of the table at a restaurant? According to anonymous interviews with restaurant staff, people who sit on the same side take LONGER to eat and they’re more prone to public displays of affection.
Did Google’s street view car run over and kill a donkey? You be the judge.
According to a study by Dusseldorf University Hospital in Germany, the three objects adults are most likely to accidentally SWALLOW are fish bones . . . chicken bones . . . and dentures. Luckily, swallowed objects pass through without any problem 80% of the time.
BREAKING NEWS: Former Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker is still crazy.
A preggo lady went dancing at a nightclub. Her water broke on the dance floor. Someone got shot. Makes TOTAL sense.
It can’t be easy to spend your entire life sharing the name of WILLIAM SHATNER‘S character in“Star Trek”.
The next time you see a see a sexy couch on the side of the road, please do your best to resist the urge to hump the hell out of it.
JANUARY 15th, 2013
This may be the funniest thing we’ve seen in 2013.
According to experts, this is the most depressing week of the year. And you may not have realized it at the time, but yesterday was the most depressing DAY of the year.
A fellow Floridian got busted stealing the “Super Sucker” love toy after he filled out a job application at Spencer’s Gifts.
A 50-year-old man in Austin, Texas took a $40,000 SUV out for a test drive . . . without permission. About two hours later, he called police and said that the car had been STOLEN. Police recovered the car and found out that the guy had actually TRADED the SUV for two rocks of crack.
We tend to like our girl scout cookies to be AT LEAST one of two things. They either have to taste good or be bad for us. The newest girl scout cookie is neither. Mango Creme?!?!
Hokey improv comedy meets girls’ asses in the annual “no pants subway ride”.
JANUARY 14th, 2013
This dude had a chance to win $1,000 in a “wacky” half-time long shot basketball thing. He didn’t make the shot. But what he did was WAY more difficult. He should have been rewarded with AT LEAST $5,000.
So….wait…Jodie Foster is gay? GET OUT! She kinda came out of the closet at the Golden Globe Awards. Kinda.
A 61-year-old Spanish teacher in Ohio is suing her school district for discriminating against her disability . . . a FEAR OF CHILDREN. You heard that right. She says she’s only afraid of younger children, and when the district transferred her from high school to middle school after 35 years of teaching, it triggered her phobia.
Mankind is on the verge of wiping out another species . . . and it’s a good thing. PUBIC LICE are disappearing, and the credit goes to BRAZILIAN WAXES.
Last month, a 38-year-old employee at the Social Security Administration in Baltimore got an official reprimand for creating a, quote, “intolerable and hostile” work environment. How was he creating that environment? Through his HORRIBLE FLATULENCE.
JANUARY 11TH, 2013
An old guy crashed his car into a pizza place. He then got out and STILL ordered a pizza…like a boss!
We spent an hour of the show this morning trying to solve ONE of man’s greatest mysteries: Why don’t we just drop all of our trash into volcanos?!?!
Apparently people steal stuff from their one night stand’s house!? Women are most likely to steal a jacket. Dudes are most likely to steal a chick’s panties. Nice. Classy.
Turns out a guy that takes a goat everywhere he goes in NYC, including a pizza parlor, is a creeper. SHOCKING!
People in our nation’s capitol LOVE porn.
Some people use pit bulls to protect their pot stash. Some people use guns. This guy uses a gator named “Mr. Teeth”.
An update with more details on the famed “bondage priest” in Illinois.
JANUARY 10TH, 2013
Women are freaked out about people at work seeing them naked. Why are they naked at work? And why don’t they work with us?!?!?
A GREAT read on the current state of rock.
Monopoly is trying to DESTROY YOUR CHILDHOOD. They’re going to be eliminating one of their classic game pieces . . . either the shoe, thimble, race car, iron, top hat, Scottie dog, battleship, or wheelbarrow.
Science has FINALLY figured out why our hands prune up in the bathtub. Researchers found that when our fingers are pruned, they’re much better at grabbing things that are wet.
There was a baby lion on the loose in Virginia. Turns out of was something else…
If you want to save the planet while being really lazy, you should pee in the shower.
A guy in Pennsylvania tried to kill himself on the way to work…twice. He failed BOTH times and ended up walking to his job anyway.
The list of the most recent dumb things real people have done during job interviews. One guy called his current boss DURING the interview to fake being sick.
JANUARY 9TH, 2013
AJ McCarron’s hot girlfriend, Katherine Webb, is now being followed by Lebron James on twitter.
Is Lance Arnstron going to tell Oprah that he is guilty of doping? Will Oprah admit that she is guilty of storming the Golden Corral buffett?
Murph FINALLY got to live his radio dream this morning by reporting on something he’s always wanted to bring up: Gonorrhea! Turns out there is now an untreatable strain.
An old lady paid big bucks to get her heating system replaced. When the weather turned cold it didn’t work. She called and raised hell with the company. A repairman came out and discovered the problem: a dirty old bum was living under her house. He had turned all of her ducts to keep him warm while he got liqed up.
Facebook is now invading your life at an even more alraming rate. They are now telling you who gave you the flu.
A new survey lists the things more popular than congress. People prefer Nickleback, cockroaches, traffic jams, STD’s, head-lice and many, many other terrible things.
A football player for Oregon faked an injury so a walk-on, scout team player could get one play in his final game as a football player. GREAT story.
According to the director of the movie “Magic Mike”, a movie extra playing a drunk chick at a male strip club tried to violate MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY with her finger. Director STEVEN SODERBERGH says, quote, “One very impassioned woman extra pulled his G-string off and tried to stick her finger up his butt.”
JANUARY 8TH, 2013
ROLL TIDE, ROLL!
Brent Musberger got a little bit creepy in his horniness for Alabama QB AJ McCarron’s girlfriend. Easy, Brent. Easy, fella.
Al Roker claims to have crapped his pants INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE. He says he threw the underwear in the trash and rolled out comando! Al Roker!?!?
A teenager in England claims KFC served him fried brains. Check out the pictures he took and judge for yourself.
ATTENTION FATTIES: If you cannot regulate the amount of food you shovel into your face, a new fork can help tell you when it’s time to slow down or stop.
The 25 BEST original Nintendo games of all time. Some how the second greatest sports game of all time (after Techmo Bowl is RBI Baseball) was left out. This list is bush league.
JANUARY 7TH, 2013
Priest calls 911 to report a problem. Uh-oh. See, he’s got a ball gag in his mouth, handcuffs on and he stuck. Whoops.
Utah might be just A LITTLE behind the times. A Utah high school had to cancel a musical because of the suggestive lyrics, dance moves and costumes of…wait for it…ELVIS! Yeah. Good luck when you get the internet, Utah.
If a disgusting RACIST shot you with a pellet gun 20 times while calling you and your girlfreind hateful names at 3am at Walmart, would you be able to NOT shoot him with your .45 in your holster? Hell no you wouldn’t. But this guy did.
Icelandair (Icelandic Airline) know how to restrain it’s unruly travelers. They duct tape them in their seats.
Only in the state of Florida can a “69” lead to an arrest. Way to keep it classy, sunshine state.
Dumbass 18 year old kid gets drunk on New Year’s Eve, hits cars and posts his tale on Facebook. BREAKING NEWS: 18 year old dumbass arrested for hit and run.
Stop us if you’ve heard this one: Two Australian thieves attempt to break into a jewellery store but end up in an open KFC full of customers.
JANUARY 4TH, 2013
For whatever reason, we went on and on this morning with this ridiculous list of terms for whacking it. One of the best has to be, “beef tips stroking off”.
JANUARY 3RD, 2013
When people steal $1.29 honey buns in their sweatpants, the ONLY thing for police to do is bring in the dogs.
A grown man who calls himself “The Bear”, ate the entire Denny’s Hobbit themed menu in one sitting. Dude pounded 10 pounds of food at 8600 calories.
The US Navy wants you to know that bathsalts may lead to you going bowling, hitting your very attractive girlfriend and listening to Dubstep. This may be the creepiest PSA video ever made.
A Japanese inventor knows what you want…and what you want is a cat’s tail for humans. At the very least you may enjoy watching fully clothed (damn) Asian chicks with tails eating ice cream.
Tim Tebow and ESPN’s Tom Rinaldi shared a VERY special memory last night at the Sugar Bowl. They will remember each other…and whatnot.
JANUARY 2ND, 2013
This is the best of the football season. And we’re talking college, pro, Canadian, arena or soccer. The. Best. Hit. Holy crap.
Police are looking for a pair of theives who enjoy stealing plumbing parts from public places (Cue the Mario and Luigi jokes). And more importantly, there is a TV station named “WXYZ”. No freaking way.
Murph went on a cruise. Despite what rumors may say, he did NOT throw a pool-boy overboard.
Where did the chicken nugget come from? Hint: it wasn’t you butt.
Come on ladies. Come on ladies. One pound fish. He is addicting.
DECEMBER 20, 2012
(NOTE: The link dump will not be updated again until we come back from vacation January 2nd, 2013.)
“Tony the Tiger” sand “Grinch”. The song “Jingle Bells” was originally called “Tinkle Bells”?! Yeah. It’s all true.
Dude in Texas got a little pissed about his wait at Denny’s. So he did what any rational person would do…he set their Christmas tree on fire.
Two chicks, one cop? Unlawful search and seizure? No…ok. Well, either way…these two girls got pulled over and given a FULL BODY CAVITY SEARCH ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! Yikes. Now they’re suing. The link includes the full video from the cop’s dash cam.
Breaking News: People like watching free porn online. But seriously, these stats are INCREDIBLE. Since 2006, people have watched a total of 1.2 million YEARS of pornography on the two sites. And they’ve had 93 billion views . . . 15 views for every person on earth.
Study: The Larger A Gay Man’s Penis, The Less Likely He Is To Use Condom. Riiiiiigggggghhhhttttttttt.
Gower Elementary School in Nashville, Tennessee has no security, and after last week’s school shooting in Connecticut, many parents are worried . . . including one who’s a staff sergeant in the Marines. So each day, he stands guard outside the school, in uniform. He doesn’t have a weapon, but parents and kids say his presence helps them feel better.
If today actually is our last day on Earth, scientists say we’ll meet our end via “dark comet” or “underground volcano”. So…HAPPY THURSDAY!
Miss Las Cruces, New Mexico has resigned from her post in disgrace after getting HAMMERED DRUNK and crashing into a light pole. She knocked out power to 1700 homes and businesses. BUT, her mug shot is kinda hot. So we forgive her.
DECEMBER 19, 2012
YouTube put out it’s list of the Top 10 Viral Videos of 2012. The Dad shooting his daughter’s laptop is still our all-time favorite.
There are FIVE smells that turn ladies on. And surprise, surprise, your company’s dumpster isn’t one of them.
Are giant eagles coming to snatch up all of our children and take them to their secret eagle layer deep in the mountains? Who the hell knows. But this video of a giant eagle trying it is pretty freaky.
Good news dudes. Squeezing boobs can help ladies fight off breast cancer. Just make sure you ask for permisission before you go squeezing at random.
We don’t do anything SMALL anymore. Everything’s BIGGER, FASTER, and LONGER. And now we’re taking the longest SHOWERS ever too. A new study found the average person takes an eight-minute shower.
Here’s a list of the Top 10 Christmas songs performed by rock acts.
A dude and his girlfriend play some naked beer pong. There is a lot of drinking. They argue about politics. The cops show up. Dude get arrested while naked.
DECEMBER 18, 2012
Husband has terrible gas. Wife sprays him with Lysol. IT’S ON! Cops show up and smell what the dude is cooking.
The latest Facebook/Twitter picture trend is called FROSTING. And as far as dumb internet picture trends go, this one is pretty cool. Basically you go outside and do things you’d do in the summer and take pictures.
A church group in Chicago is sending a team of golden retrivers to Newtown to help comfort people. It won’t bring anyone back. But it might make a few people smile.
Just when you’re feeling all sorts of bad about 2012 and the way the world is headed, some people put out a list of why 2012 was THE BEST YEAR IN THE HISTORY OF THE EARTH! And after reading it…they could be right.
There’s only 58 shopping daqys left until VALENTINE’S DAY! And one K-Mart location in Ohio has already ditched the Christmas stuff and rolled out the teddy bears and heart shaped boxes.
No NFL player has ever sold more jerseys in a season than RGIII. He beat out Brett Farve’s 2008 and 2009 records…for jersey sales…not early retirements or dirty cell phone pictures.
Wanna sound smart and tell friends, family and co-workers why Rudolph’s nose is red? Probably not. But just in case you do, these scientists spent some time on the subject and figured it out.
A dude in China rocked 60 shirts and 9 pair of jeans to avoid baggage fees. And because it happened in China, he wasn’t allowed to get on the plane.
DECEMBER 17, 2012
Need a little advice in talking to your kids about the tragic shooting in Connecticut? This website has some helful advice from experts.
An Australian woman got hurt while having sex in a hotel on a business trip. She sued her employer. And she won.
Remember that scene in “Tommy Boy” when Chris Farley and David Spade hit that deer and then put it in the car to take it to the vet? Then the deer woke up and trashed the car. Yeah. Well that happened to this lady but with a bobcat.
The school shooting was the 16th “mass shooting” in the US in 2012. The death toll is now at eighty-four. Click the link for a list of every fatal mass shooting that’s taken place since January 1—defined as multi-victim shootings where those killed were chosen indiscriminately.
BIG THANKS to former NE Patriot and LSU Tiger Jarvis Green for being on the show this morning. He’s donating $150,000 worth of shrimp to the hurricane Sandy relief effort. You can see his project and make a donation at IFBG.co.
If you’re going to claim you can’t work because of a bum ankle, you can’t meet your boyfriend at a park and pull some athletic sex moves in high heels while standing on your bum ankle. Apparently, this lady didn’t get that.
A woman got upset that her husband was flying out of the country for a business trip without her. So she did what any of us would do…she called the airline and told them her husband was carrying a bomb.
WARNING: TERRIBLE AND OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE. A few losers on Twitter made the decision to spew racist messages directed at our President because he had the audacity to interrupt “Sunday Night Football” and “Bob’s Burgers” to give a speech to honor the lives of the children murdered in Connecticut this weekend.
Boomer Esiason was wondering what the hell Cowboys DT Josh Brent was doing standing on the sidelines of his teams’ game against the Steelers just a week after being charged with intoxication manslaughter.
DECEMBER 14, 2012
WARNING, BLOODY: A golf date between pro volleyball player MORGAN BECK and her husband, Olympic skier BODE MILLER, ended in INJURY, when Bode hit a drive right into his wife’s face, opening up a bloody gash.
A North Carolina man is facing shoplifting charges after he allegedly stole a blow-up doll resembling Miley Cyrus from a novelty shop. The doll is described as having, “three achey, breaky holes”. Yikes.
A list of the Top 10 “Hobbit” (slash) “Lord of the Rings” songs includes music by Rush, Genesis, Black Sabbath, Uriah Heep and, of course, Led Zeppelin.
DECEMBER 13, 2012
COURTNEY LOVE was “not amused” that former NIRVANA members DAVE GROHL, KRIST NOVOSELIC and PAT SMEAR reunited for a performance at last night’s 12-12-12 benefit, with PAUL MCCARTNEY on vocals. But she said she would’ve been cool if it had been JOHN LENNON instead.
Dude in England performs “Gangnam Style” dance at company Christmas party. Dies from riding invisable horse.
Brittish “Jesus” kicked out of dart throwing championship becuase he looked like Jesus. Jesus.
Anne Hathaway talked to NBC about showing everyone her vagina. It was awkward.
Dumb people get to name babies too. Check out this list of the WORST BABY NAMES of 2012. We like “Hadn’T”.
According to a Texas Tech recruit, new Cincinnati Bearcats head coach Tommy Tuberville left him and two other recruits at dinner to go hop on a plane and take his new job. The University of Cincinnati denies the report.
Washing Nationals’ pitcher Ross Detwiler dipped out early on his honeymoon to go visit the troops overseas.
DECEMBER 12, 2012
Hey perverts, it’s Anne Hathaway’s somewhat naked crotch!
Turns out HIV cures leukemia. Wait. What? A 7 year old girl in Philly was infected with an altered strain of HIV and it did what chemo couldn’t do…put her cancer into remission. This is crazy awesome.
If you’re doing something on this list of things that NEED to end in 2013, you should probably stop (NOTE: This list is VERY funny and includes toe shoes, iPad self-shots and the word “swag”).
STORAGE WARS. A lot of people watch the show on A&E. If you do, you know the name Dave Hester. He’s now SUING THE SHOW after being fired. And in his lawsuit he claims the entire show is FAKE.
Check out some pictures from that CRAZY West Virginia gas explosion that nearly incinerated a large part of I-77.
Extended warranty? According to Consumer Reports, you should almost ALWAYS SAY NO!
Cheryl Crow is 50 and has the booty of a 33 year old. Glorious!
It’s now official. Rush, Heart, Public Enemy, Donna Summer and other will be inducted into the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame.
The fact that a Quentin Tarantino movie is “controversial” is not shocking news. But the “media” is making this into something it’s not…racist. It’s just a movie. Calm down.